Running and Worthless and Crazy as Crap.
Am I allowed to say “crap”? Does this title make me look bad? Will people still view me as a “Christian”? Will people think less of me?
Let’s get real, yo. This isn’t some silly post, review, perky up-beat wisdom, or race day fun. Well…maybe some silly. But I think it’s high time you got to know the real me. I’m an encourager, a momma, new wifey, hard worker, motivator, running enthusiast and overall optimistic superwoman in Christ.
I’m also crazy as crap.
No. I’m serious. Sometimes I completely fall apart for no known reason. I cry over stupid things, I yell for no apparent reason (to anyone else anyway), and sometimes I feel depressed.
But let me tell you something: your emotions are not stupid, irrelevant, unbelievable, or undeniable.
They are simply emotions. Own them.
But do not let them own you.
It is okay to be crazy once in a while. The more we learn to let go of our perceived endless efforts of perfection we can then begin to pursue what genuinely matters the most in life.
Running is the only thing that saves me sometimes…
And running helps me “compartmentalize” (as a good phycologist friend suggests…but let me assure you, I felt so angry when I was told to simple compartmentalize my emotions. Like I’m some kind of computer?!) my emotions. Feelings are feelings. But emotions run deep and can sometimes be extremely hard to make sense of. And sometimes they will never sense. And that’s ok too.
Saves me from feeling worthless.
Feeling like a total failure. Because there are soooooo many days when I try and try but end up like a hot-mess.
Helps me put the pieces back together again. God gave me a set of legs that move and I am so grateful.
We are told what a “good” woman in The Lord looks like in proverbs 31. Strength and dignity. And baby, let me tell you, the struggle is real. Nine times out of ten it feels I screw up and have to go crawling back into my hole of “sorry”. It feels more like weakness and impossible and crying at the days to come. But as real as the struggle is, the good Lord is too.
But something about a good long run has a way of clearing that all up…yeah, I’m out now. Here’s to a good 12 miles!
Do you struggle with emotions and “dealing” with them? Please tell me someone else is as crazy as crap too…How do you “compartmentalize” your emotions? Or do you, like me, wear them on your sleeve?
Blessed and Beautiful Running.
13 Dec 2014 / runpinkjess / 0