Running is Kinda Breaking My Heart
Well, hello there Monday! As per usual I’m finding it more and more challenging to even want to blog anymore. It takes effort. And right now I feel like everything takes way too much effort. Like today’s 4 miles for example literally sucked wind. I couldn’t catch my breath to save my life! Maybe it was the foggy air, maybe it was baby…all I know is I had to stop 10 times (it felt like) to catch my breathe. My heart rate barely touched 147?? But, I have my good days and bad of course. But, let’s cut to the chase.
Last week I ran my slowest 5k in the past three years. I got winded, couldn’t breathe with control and got passed in the last mile. #humbled
Oh, yeah. And I guess being pregnant has something to do with that. I’ve been having an extremely difficult time allowing myself some grace during this phase of my life. I’m so used to going hard all.the.time. that to realize I physically just can not is challenging and leaving me feeling lost. And these past two week running and I have been arguing. Sure, I had a fantastic 12 miler just this past weekend but most of my runs lately have left me in tears. It’s getting harder to breathe correctly and I just feel like all my muscles are so…so…heavy. I would wager to say that this is twice as more difficult than marathon training was.
However! On an extremely positive note (and what this July 4th Firecracker race was truly all about anyway!) look at this beautiful bunch of ladies:
I could not be any more proud of my athletes!!! They’ve all worked so hard for the past 8-weeks during my Run Pink to the 5k BootCamp that I could just kiss all their faces. And the very best part of the whole race? The ladies collectively as a group ran with the last sweet athlete to the finish line cheering her on. I’m getting all emotional over here just thinking about it again. THIS is what running is all about. Sure I ran my slowest time to date that day (22:07…I know, I know that’s super for a woman growing a HUMAN BEING currently.) but, I also put together an incredible group of women who supported each other for the past 8 weeks and embraced running and the challenges it comes with. They all grew stronger together. And I am beyond proud.
I’m contemplating not participating in any more 5ks just because I can’t seem to emotionally handle the slow down I’m experiencing. I feel like I have to potty way too often and things just don’t feel comfortable. Running has been breaking my heart lately so to speak…but, I will continue to run as my body allows. Even if it turns into a crawl. Because I know that giving up is not the answer right now. I like how Clara says it’s hard to watch your body become deconditioned as the pregnancy continues but running gives her some control over not doing anything.
Just because I’m slowing down doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly become a lazy slob or that I’d be any less of a runner. These are the things I am fighting my brain about. I think if you’re coming back from an illness or injury this principle applies just as well.
But, back to the positive! One of the great things that’s come out of all this i.hate.running lately phase is that it’s opened my time blocks up for other important things that I normally don’t take the time to do. Like honest to goodness strength training and yoga. I’ve dabbled here and there in it but have never remained consistent. Oh, I’m great at keeping my clients consistent though! I gathered a group of ladies in a similar boat (ie: struggling with motivation and desire…) and asked if they would either a.) join in on this new workout program with me or b.) pray I actually finish it.
The main reasons I chose PiYO:
*Low-impact. (taking care of baby!)
*Amazing for the core.
*Creates long and lean muscles.
*No equipment necessary.
*Increases flexibility (hello tight runner hips…and it was quite obvious after that first video that my hips were indeed a hot mess.)
*It was only $99 to stream it (and thousands of other workout videos) for an entire YEAR. That’s like… $300 less than my gym membership. I figured post baby I would be doing some at-home workouts for a while so it seemed like a wise investment.
*It came with a ridiculous amount of resources (nutrition, tips, yada yada).
*I decided to use the free app and workout with my girlfriends.
“But, Jess! You’re a personal trainer! Why are you using DVDs to workout?”
I’m human. And I’m also a pregnant human. I need accountability and motivation like I’ve never needed it before. I use to be all tough and think that DVDs weren’t ‘really working out’. But, after this I say do whatever the heck gets you moving! #NOjudgement
Okay so running by the numbers:
Miles ran last week: 40.57 and the previous week was 40.24
Not my highest weeks but from the beginning I had set my goal to run 40 miles per week as long as I could. Who knows, maybe I’ll have an upswing in a week or two. But last week and so far this week it just doesn’t feel as good. It could also have something to do with the fact it’s getting hotter outside and some of my runs have been ran in thick fog. And I always struggle with foggy running.
Baby: According to What to Expect baby is the size of a naval orange now! And I’m starting to feel it in the lower abdomen.
Increased energy lately! ugh. I talked too soon. I hope I’m not speaking too soon…:-), GI issues…um, black coffee, gallons of water and exercising are no longer helping…I’ve got shakes on the way that should help with this. Not sovery bummed about body image this week. #HelloHormones
Weight: I’ve gained about 4.4-6 pounds. Depending on the day the scale says I’ve gained 4-6 pounds. I can’t stress over this. Just trying to make sure I don’t over do it.
Cravings: Cereal. I’m not proud of this. I will say the strangest thing is happening to my. I used to have the willpower of steel. Now it’s more like will power of maple syrup and waffles…it’s like something has literally taken over my body and brain!
I’d like to run 40-45 miles this week but will be focusing more on PiYo workouts because they make me feel strong. And I know they will improve my running in the long haul.
What exercise do you do when not running or when you can’t run (or run as much)? Did you struggle mentally to ‘feel like a runner’?
10 Jul 2017 / runpinkjess / 4
The words “I am” are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you. – A. L. Kitselman
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