Suddenly Running Doesn’t Matter.
Last week I only managed 25 miles.
I haven’t run in two days and don’t even care.
I haven’t blogged in over two weeks. Not even stressing. I haven’t planned the next project or bootcamp…(I mean I did but, then opted to back out) and I don’t feel guilty. I’m not running any challenges (other than my 6-week beginner’s athlete program) and don’t plan on it. I’m not posting workouts and gobs of fitness tips (although I do feel slightly guilty about this…) I haven’t ‘hustled’ for more one-on-one clients and I feel utterly lackadaisical about the matter.
(*ps-side note: I totally care.)
Wait….What? I know…
But, it doesn’t even matter. The more ‘pregnant’ I become the more I just can’t wait to hold my sweet little girl and just ‘be’. Does that make any sense? I just want to BE. I don’t want to hustle and grind. I don’t want to encourage others to hustle and grind. Work hard? Yes, of course! But, life is so much more than ‘fitness’ and goals and nutrition tracking.
By the way, I don’t think we announced the gender on the blog (blog? type words out in cohesive sentences? what’s that even mean? ha!)? Yes, it’s a girl! Sweet Ruby is due December 31st! Here’s the ‘official’ 6 months belly shot:
The larger my belly grows the more I need to learn to truly love my body, respect it, embrace it, and maybe even let it relax a bit more… the more I want to sleep in with my husband on the weekends, hang out with my son, shop leisurely for baby paraphernalia…
Life ebbs and flows. There is a time and season for everything.
Dreams come and go. Passions burn and rage and subside…
Make no mistake, I’ll be running long and hard soon enough. But, until that time the miles don’t matter.
Speed makes no difference. Hard-core muscles matter not.
However, a healthy tiny baby heartbeat does. A caring and attentive mother and wife matter. A compassionate and strong coach/trainer matter. A present ‘soccer mom’ matters.
I’ve had to back off of a few projects and re-evaluate my current life/work balance.
The kid started soccer, the baby is growing by leaps and bounds, this home has got to be put together (we have NOTHING ready for this baby! And the planner in me is totally freaking out.), the husband’s new job is a bit intense…so I feel like I need to be more present at home.
So here’s the deal with my business currently:
- Tentatively planning on continuing to train my current one-on-one clients through the end of October-middle of November.
- Will continue online through end of Nov-Dec.
- Resuming full training March 2018.
When I type out all of this it almost sounds like I know what I’m doing and that I’m embracing this slow down. But, I’d be an outright LIAR to say that I was “A-Okay” with it all. I do feel discouraged often. I MISS running.all.the.miles. I find myself sinking into the comparison trap, “look at that pregnant personal trainer and fitness goddess! Her website and social medias are on-point! Why can’t I hustle like her?” I am slightly jealous of all the marathoners…I do get frustrated that my mind and body just won’t ‘perk up’ when I feel as though I need it to. And UGH. I am SO over all the constant “sponsored” posts on Facebook and Instagram telling me I ‘need’ this or that program. And I’M A TRAINER! I should totally be doing something like that?? I don’t necessarily like the weight gain that’s happening all over…
This season of life has taught me so much…
Pregnancy has taught me how to feel tears of pure joy again (hello feeling baby move every day!). To allow my heart to be pricked. I have not felt this much joy…ever? Years ago when I prayed about my relationship situation I asked God to make everything new for me. And He truly has! Have the past 4-5 years been perfect? Absolutely not!! But, I can say with 100% honesty that everything has felt brand new. I’ve never felt love like this in all of my life. I had a pretty rough 0-23ish first years of life. So I feel as though this slow down in life is a gift from my Heavenly Father. And it’s even more so overwhelming because of the fear I grew up in. I had happy moments in my younger years for sure but a lot of it was clouded by depression.
Pregnancy has taught me the value of slowing down and loving my family more deeply.
Pregnancy has reminded me that God never called me to a life of “busy” and “hard-core fitness” 24/7.
Pregnancy has reminded me that God never called me to a life of \”busy\” and \”hard-core fitness\” 24/7.Click To Tweet
God called me to be genuine, authentic, inspiring and truthful. He’s called me to be faithful and kind. Humble and gracious.
Does any of this mean there’s no place for hardcore training, goals, motivational posts, fitness, marathon running, workout posts, racing and boot camps/projects? NO. Quite the contrary. I’m stepping back for a strong come back!
It simply means it’s time to back off a bit, find some perspective in His grace and cherish this season. These seasons come and go all too quickly…which I’ve learned with my now 12-year old. I spent many years leaving him for work…missed more ball games than I’d like to admit…missed out on a lot of his infant years (praise God for a wonderful MIL who cared for this boy–and still does often.). My heart broke daily. But, now I have the opportunity to be present.
My arrow is being pulled back…2018 better watch out. I have a December marathon to train for and bootcamps to run. 😉 But for me now…if I were to try to hustle through this season of life I feel like I would be smacking my blessings right in the face.
If you read nothing else read this:
Resist the urge to rush through your blessings.
If you have found yourself in a slower season of life PLEASE embrace it! Do NOT take it for granted. Allow the pressures of this world to fall off your shoulders and soak up all that is beautiful and good. Soak up the rest. Rejuvenation. LOVE. Because all too soon you’ll be thrown back into the fire.
Has there ever been a season in your life when all the world seemed to take a backseat?
20 Aug 2017 / runpinkjess / 3
The words “I am” are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you. – A. L. Kitselman
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